Saturday, August 13, 2011

Solo flight: Where have all the men gone?

 Do you feel like you've been flying solo for a long time now?

I'm sure that most women have wondered where all the men have gone.  Sure, there are lots of boys out there, but their planning capacity only reaches to what they'll have for their next meal. Or they're just so scared of commitment, they just remain Peter Pans for life. So we women sadly conclude, the REAL men are all in a relationship, married or dead.

In one of my small groups, this has been a recurring topic.  We lament what we see as the lack of men, Godly men that is.  I used to think that the problem was limited to our growing campus church.  Since it's based in the province, students (men included) would usually go back to their hometowns after graduating.  The men are somewhere else, we think. But then we still don't find them wherever we are.  Are they really a soon-to-be-extinct breed?

Apparently, our "problem" is not an isolated case.  After reading Pastor Jaeson Ma's blog entry entitled The Five Pillars of Manhood and seeing the numerous agreeing comments, its obvious that our small group is not the only one ruminating on the lack of real men.  Pastor Jaeson, in his long entry, narrates how women in his church have asked the same questions then proceeds to give off a description of qualities that a real man possesses.

I have had my share of bad experiences when it comes to relationships.  Unlike some of my Christian friends, I didn't wait for a Godly man to come into my life.  My standards have always been different:

  • he should be artistic
  • he should be passionate
  • he should have convictions
  • he should make me laugh

Later on, I added: He should love his family.

There's nothing wrong with my list right?  They're all good qualities.  So why do I always end up frustrated in the end?  Yes, these are all good qualities, but I forgot the most important one, which is HE SHOULD LOVE GOD ABOVE ALL. And when I say all, that includes ME.

When a man has Godly standards,
  • he will commit when he is absolutely ready to commit, and you won't have to wonder "Will you still love me tomorrow?" He loves God and knows that he's committed to take care of and love his partner
  • his YES will mean YES and his NO will mean NO
  • he doesn't blame you for his mistakes
  • he doesn't "taste the different flavors of women" just to satisfy his curiosity or his bloated ego. He doesn't need to, because he is secure in his identity in Christ
  •  he is not an emotional basketcase, because he knows he has a strong God beside him. 
  • he doesn't waste his money on getting drunk, smoking, or doing drugs, because his body is a temple of God.
  •  every word that comes from his mouth is a wellspring of life, because the commands of God are in his heart. 
  • he dares to be different from the "boys" who make crass jokes or succumb to other peer pressure to be accepted.  He knows the only one worth pleasing is God
  • he is hardworking because he does his work for God, and not for men.
  • he is confident, because he does what he is called out by God to do.
  • he will pursue you and marry you, because he knows that to do less than that is undervaluing your worth.
  • he takes "'til death do us part" seriously.

Before you make a face and tell me that's impossible, hear me out.  I've met some Godly men. You want to know the secret?  Yes, all these things are next to impossible to do.  But it is God's grace that allows them to do all these things, not their own imperfect strength.  If you still don't think this is possible, I'll hook you up with my beautiful friend Ching who is in love with God and a Godly man.

I am not looking at Christian relationships through rose-colored glasses though. Just because two Christians marry doesn't mean that they'll live happily ever after,or that a man will never fail.  After all, a Godly man is still just a man, not a God.  IF God is in the center, I have faith that a relationship will work out REGARDLESS of circumstances.  It's easy to be happy when circumstances are just cruisin', but when everything seems to be falling apart, that's when the real test comes in. If a woman has compassion and is strong herself, she knows that there will be times when her man will stumble, and  she will have the capacity to forgive and help him get back to his feet again.

Christian or not, deep down inside, I think that many women want Godly men.  They just don't know that it is God who brings out the best in a man.  So why do some women often fall for the wrong person or don't meet the right person? Is it really because there are no Godly men out there? I want to believe that God is doing His work and ministering to a lot of men. They probably need a lot of work on their end (haha) BUT, I also think that we women need to pray about a lot of stuff on our end too:

  • Let's set our standards higher.  "Kilig" or having that warm tingly feeling all over is NOT a strong enough foundation for a relationship.  We're worth more than a few text messages.
  • Don't compromise Godly standards to accommodate temporary desires
  • Accept when it's just NOT time for a relationship.  Believe me, it's better to wait than to be a sorry self-pitying lump when your heart gets broken.  
  • Trust that God knows best.
  • Let's not get too focused on looking for Mr. Right, when we ourselves aren't Ms. Right

Before we can meet a Godly man, we ourselves should be Godly women. Honestly, I am in that stage in my life now where I am just so happy that I am not married.  Not because I have a bitter view about marriage.  But because, I've realized just recently, how immature and how impatient and how lazy and how...well you get the point.  The biggest thing is that I have neglected my relationship with God for so long. I am just so joyful that for now, it is only God and me.  One day, if God is willing, maybe it will be Me+God+Mr. Right. I couldn't have realized this on my own. There are times when I get too emotional to the point of not thinking clearly.  I have my Christian friends and God to thank for the strength I have now.
I don't want to put my future in a theoretical man.  Yes, I can wait for a Godly man, but in the meantime, I don't stress about it.  My happiness doesn't depend on getting married or having a boyfriend.  Right now, I'd like to think that I'm celebrating my singleness and womanhood. It's nice to finally have the time to distribute my love to my family, friends, and pets.  Most importantly, I can focus on God.  To those who have known me for a long time, I may not be a credible speaker for this topic...and I truly don't intend to supplant whatever your pastor says. I am speaking about what God has helped me realize in my own life. I have been successively atheist, agnostic and just a free-for-all relativist for so long.  I used to sneer at Christianity and found Christians appalling, to say the least.  But let me tell you, God chased after me.  Each moment that I really and truly surrender my life to Jesus Christ, I just feel an exceeding joy.  Life is not perfect, by worldly standards, but I am secure because my happiness is not dependent on other people or on money and on things that don't last.   And because I so love my women friends and family, I just have to share this; and I also have to emphasize this, so that you can remind me the moment I falter:  Before seeking Mr. Right, seek God first. 

When you do get married to a Godly man, please inform me. I will rejoice with you, and we will celebrate.  For now though, there are so many other things we can be happy about.  With God, you won't be a mediocre missing half of a whole; you'll be most surely and awesomely complete. 

Listen Download Victory Podcast on Godly Relationships by Pastor Dennis Sy 

Enjoying my seasons in life... pic spam below!!! :)

There's no such thing as a solo flight if you're in the hands of God.


  1. aww gaby!!! i super love this entry! and i enjoyed your pic spam. ahihihi. keep it up! ;)

  2. THANK YOUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!