Hope

you fall like the stars expecting

he will be moved the same way

as you have been by beauty

There is nothing beyond what you perceive

And nothing beyond what you feel

And nothing beyond what he shows

One day, your tears will fall

for a Love much greater

than the love you have been hiding

He will let you take flight

He will give you wings like eagles

He will make you as surefooted as a deer

you will stand on the heights

you will conquer your fears

you will Know Love, Show Love, Be Love

you will be nothing

yet you will have Everything

you’ve ever Desired and More.

Why Won't He Ask Me Out?

I read this article on Relevant Magazine entitled Stop Waiting for Him to Ask You Out. The article builds on the case that a woman shouldn't be stuck waiting on a man she likes (and who she thinks likes her back). Instead, she should just initiate and voice out her desires. The biblical basis for this, says the author, is Ruth who took the initiative with Boaz who eventually became her husband.

I believe that the author has raised some valid points. And I'm happy for her, since she eventually married the man she liked.  I, on the other hand, have my own opinions about this issue but I'm not married (so, it's up to you if you're still going to hear me out on this despite my disclaimer).

It is rather torturous for the woman to wait while the man seems to be sending hints and flirting. I've had my share of experiences of hanging out exclusively with a boy. I don't like wasting my time with men I don't like, so I honestly thought along the way that the relationship could be leading somewhere only to find out that the hanging out was only exclusive on my end or he only thought of me as good friend. In other words, I fell into the trap of assuming too much. The experiences were heartbreaking and put a dent on my relationships with these men.

However, these experiences don't necessarily make me an advocate of taking the first step with a man.  Why? Because while it's true that  waiting can be torturous, a man who doesn't/can't ask you out on a proper date (he's clear that it's a date) says so many things about him and yourself...not one of which is exactly ideal. For me (and I emphasize for me), a guy who can't ask you out and be clear about his intentions falls into one or more of these categories:

 1) He just doesn't like you

2)  He does like you, but you're just a "friendgirl" - To read more about "friendgirls" click this enlightening article Your Friendgirl Deserves Better. It's a highly recommended read.

3) He's too insecure to do so - he's afraid to get rejected. He might be "playing it safe" for a while and waiting for you to get attached to him or for you to have deeper feelings for each other, thus lowering the chances of rejection.

 4) He's not sure about you - you might be number 2 or 3 on his list of considerations, and until he's sure that you're number 1 forever, he doesn't want to make a move. I think this is fine...men have the privilege to choose who to court. However, this is not cool if he's not sure about you, BUT he's already making it seem -- intentionally or unintentionally -- as if he wants to commit in the near/far-off future (again, read:  Your Friendgirl Deserves Better), which is defrauding.

  5) He doesn't have the money to ask you out. 'nuff said.

...which all boils down to: he's not ready to commit or he is, just not with you (the movie, He's Just Not That Into You comes into mind haha)... It might hurt, but better the truth than a lie. Think about it, would you really want to be with someone who can't make up his mind/doesn't like you but is already flirting with you, waiting for himself to be ready or waiting to "feel" a "connection"  that you're The One?  When Jesus decided that He wanted a relationship with us, He wasn't confused. He died for us while we were sinners. Love was a decision and not a feeling. It was difficult and He cried out to His Father to take the cup away. But He pushed through. Loving us was  commitment, regardless of whether we responded with a yes or no.  Romans 5:8 says,

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us

I had to realize this the hard way, but I'm still happy God made me go through that, so I could appreciate this truth about Himself.

Just like a godly man told me, a man who has the heart of God will protect me not just physically, but emotionally. He will not risk my feelings or make me feel confused. He will be resourceful and he will pray about his decision. And when the right time comes, he will be clear about his intentions and he will pursue me.  Am I being too idealistic? Just to be clear though, I say this not to bash men or put them down. Rather, these are my standards as a woman (which I didn't have before).

To the men, maybe I am presumptuous about my conclusions. I'd like to know, why won't you be clear about your intentions/ask a girl out instead of just "hanging out" exclusively?

More than that though, my question to my fellow women is, what are we doing twiddling our thumbs (or flirting back), waiting for a man to ask us out when instead, we should be seeking God and His Kingdom?  Why aren't we out there being salt and light to the world?  Why are worrying about tomorrow if we know that God's will for us is good, pleasing, and perfect? Why aren't we guarding out hearts? Why are we offering our minds and hearts to another man when we should be offering these to God, our ultimate Lover?

I say we, because I've asked myself these questions many times. What am I doing about my singleness? Am I  being good steward of this season in my life?  Is God still the focus of my life? As Song of Songs 8:4 wisely admonishes us:

Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you:

    Do not arouse or awaken love

    until it so desires.

God cares for His children and He is in control of everything.  As women, we don't have to worry that we're ugly or unloved  just because the man we like is not asking us out or that our biological clocks are ticking and we're losing time.  I've felt this way many times, and it breaks my heart to see other women forgetting their identity in Christ.

It's painful to realize that we've lost our focus on God. But guess what, God still pursues us and loves us. He wants us to live life to the full, whether we are single or married. He wants us. He wants YOU, completely and without any inhibitions  And He's absolutely clear about His intentions; His sacrifice on the Cross is enough evidence of this. Don't wait on man. Wait on God.

One thing I ask from the Lord,

this only do I seek:

that I may dwell in the house of the Lord

all the days of my life,

to gaze on the beauty of the Lord

and to seek him in his temple.

For in the day of trouble

he will keep me safe in his dwelling;

he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent

and set me high upon a rock [...]

I remain confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the Lord

in the land of the living.

Wait for the Lord;

be strong and take heart

and wait for the Lord.

~Psalm 27:4-5; 13-14~

I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning.

~Psalm 130:5-6~

And You Call Yourself a Christian?

Identifying myself as a Christian has sometimes led me to acquire a holier-than-thou attitude.  For instance, just because I have moved on from a particular challenge in my personal life quite easily makes me think that other Christians should be able to move on from similar challenges just as easily.  I also have the tendency to “preach” and tell people how they should feel and what they should be doing when listening and reserving judgment would have been wiser.

Just look to Christ, geez!

I have my own biases about how things should be done, because I have this tendency to think, “I’ve been there, done that. You’ll get over it.”  Or worse, “You’re just being plain un-Christian by putting yourself in that situation. Stop sulking and just look to Christ, geez.”

Being in relationships with others has revealed to me my lack of compassion and my tendency to condemn others of their faults.  We each have our own personal relationship with Christ, and it is not mine to assume how God should move in a person’s life.

Someone who is emotional and in pain sometimes begins to doubt that God is in control all the time and that God is good all time. He needs God's Word to realize that these are truths regardless of his feelings and circumstances. But he most probably won’t truly realize this through my self-righteous postulations and hate attitude.

It's not only what I say that matters

I was called to be “salt and light”, to speak words that “build up” and encourage others, that show compassion rather than condemnation. Yes, there are times when I have to rebuke, especially when a person has given me permission to speak into his life or when I see that what someone has been doing is detrimental to himself and others as well. But I am asking God to help me towards a healthy balance of speaking what is true and speaking this truth in love. There are many ways of conveying the truth. I not only have to watch what I say but also think about how I say it and examine why I say it.

The perfect Christian

Observing my non-Christian friends rant about Christians, I think one of the common complaints is that Christians are self-righteous and tend to sound as if they’re perfect.  I know I have the tendency to be like this, as well. But I thank God that He has been exposing this about me.  I want to cut people some slack and be patient with them.  This is hard for me, because I can be a bit of a control freak. It's also hard for me to hold my tongue when it comes to injustice and emotional abuse. But I know that even as I speak now, the Holy Spirit is doing His work to cultivate gentleness, self-control, and patience in me. I'm not saying that we should just be passive when faced with wrong. I'm just saying that we can't tell people to do the right thing by using the wrong means.

A text message

Last weekend, I was particularly touched by a friend’s text message.  She knew that I was going through a challenging period, and she told me that she thought of me and couldn’t help but cry.  I appreciated her message, not because she cried. But because I knew she was letting me know that she shared my burdens.  I have given this person every right to rebuke me, but she knew that that wasn’t what I needed to hear at the moment. Listening to me the past days, she probably knew that I had rebuked myself enough and had been feeling God’s discipline.

There is a time to speak. There is the time to give advice. There is a time to challenge. There is a time to listen. There is a time to stay silent. At all times, I hope I never forget to love just as Christ loved me.

Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. Do everything in love. ~ 1 Corinthians 16:13-14

The Gift-Giver

The first flower I ever received was a lone carnation. I went home one day after class and it was hanging on my doorknob.

I was confused. I thought it was a joke until the days passed and the identity of my gift-giver was revealed.

A single flower doesn't seem like much. As I see it now, I know the effort that placed that flower there was worth much more than its price.  It was the element of surprise and thought that made it special. He hoped I would be curious.  He hoped he would make me smile. He hoped that my answer in the end would be a yes. When I think of  the gifts I received from this person, that lone flower stands out because that first step took the most guts. 

This encounter, similar situations, and our current church series on love made me realize a few things about relationships.  I am no expert on love...far from it! But if you find some wisdom in what is written here, I pray that it will be a wisdom that comes from God.

  

Women are designed to be pursued and men are designed to pursue.  I loved being pursued. It made me feel even more beautiful. And I know he loved pursuing me. It made him want to best himself day after day.  If I had pursued him, I know I would have felt insecure about the relationship. Pursuit is a public act of courage for men.  It doesn't hide in the conveniences of "mutual understanding" or "friends with benefits". Call me a sexist, but I don't believe in men and women who say that it doesn't matter if it's the man or the woman who pursues.  I believe that men were designed for the adventure of pursuit. Unfortunately, some of them are content with the thrill of video games and action movies to fulfill this craving for adventure.  I also believe that women want to be pursued. Unfortunately, some of us lower our standards because we simply can't wait or we're pressured by society. 

The intention of pursuit must be clear.  If you're not being pursued with marriage in mind, then ask yourself, what is the pursuit for?  Are you willing to share your deepest desires, your grandest vision, and your divine calling with a person who doesn't think of you as forever?  Where would you be when you realize that after sharing yourself with this person, that person thinks of you as disposable?   

Friendship is the foundation.  Pursuit can consume us and make us blind to the faults of a person. But if you build on your friendship first, you'll enter pursuit with more wisdom.  You'll know that you're not pursuing and being pursued just because of physical attributes or common interests. You'll see how each other is with friends and family.  You can reflect if you can stomach waking up with this person day after day. You'll know if you can work together.  You'll know if you can decide to love and forgive even when faults have been revealed.

The pursuit is committed and exclusive. A man who is serious about you will pursue you and only you. He won't be pursuing other women while pursuing you. This is why friendship is all the more important. Friendship gives you time to develop this kind of  love that leads to marriage. This love has romantic attractions and desires; but it is also self-sacrificing, committed, responsible, and exclusive.

Jesus comes first. The bible says, a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. It's you, him/her, and God. The thread that binds you together should be Jesus.  It's not enough that he/she believes in God. Even the devil knows the Lord. The question is, does this person actually have a relationship with the Jesus of the Bible? As Christians, our eyes should be fixed on Jesus. If your eyes are fixed on Jesus, and his/her eyes are fixed on something else, then how can it work out?  If someone is not for Jesus, then who is he/she for? Someone has to give to make the relationship work. Before you know it, you'll be compromising for the sake of "love".   Can you really be with someone who can't pray with you? What standards will you use to raise your children?

  

Men can have courage in the knowledge that they are the sons of the One who pursues us with abandon. They also have the courage to pursue. And we women, we can rest in the knowledge that we are loved no matter what.

As a woman, I had a tendency to feel ugly and unloved when I wasn't being pursued.  But this was until I realized that I am being pursued by the best Lover of all. Unlike other men, He is perfect. Unlike other men, He can complete me.  He told me, you were separated from me because of sin, but if you believe in your heart and confess with your mouth that I am Lord, then you will be saved. 

I can only decide to say yes, because Jesus pursued me first with utter abandon. He pursued me even while I was a sinner.  He wasn't turned off by my faults. Instead, He chose to forgive and tell me that I am being sanctified in His love. To prove His love for me and His hatred for everything that separates me from Him, He withstood shame and torture.  My first love gave me flowers to win me over. The One Who First Loved Me gave me the cross. 

What man can give you the same gift?  Only a man that is filled by the same Love. If he/she understands this like you do, you can be strengthened. You can be filled and refilled. You can be forgiving and patient and kind and humble.  Choose the One who pursues you everyday.  Choose the Ultimate Gift-Giver. Choose the Perfect Love.

Relationships are formed with trust

"The key to faith is knowing the person you want to trust. Faith only makes sense with a good God. Faith only works when you realize that God is good all the time.  Christianity is not a process of blessing. It is a relationship with Christ.  You cannot have a relationship with someone you do not trust.  You cannot trust someone you do not know."

These words from Bishop Juray Mora struck me last night. Why do we falter in relationships? It is because we do not trust, and we do not trust because we don't know the person enough.

Trusting involves time, choosing to be with a person when you could be with someone else or somewhere else.  When we want to form friendships or relationships with people, we take time with them. We try our hardest to be consistent, so that they would know that we value them and respect their time.

Sadly, we sometimes fail in this department. We take people for granted, we move on from one relationship to the next, we are not sincere in our yes and in our no, we are not transparent with our intentions...and sometimes, when we are the ones who are hurt, we fail to forgive.

I guess this is the essence of why Jesus told us to turn the other cheek. To give those who hurt us the chance to start anew, to emphasize how valuable relationships and people are, to teach us how to love so deeply that we are prepared to lay down our life for another.

Out there, many hearts need healing because trust has been broken. There is one Person who offers this healing. He is Someone you and I can trust. He will never fail.

Before He formed me, He knew me.

Before I was born, He had already set me apart.

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
    before you were born I set you apart;..."

He knows every strand of hair on my head and values me more than anything in the world. 

"Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows..."

Even before I knew Him, He chose to love me.

“I have loved you with an everlasting love;..."

Even before I could say sorry for hurting Him, He already forgave me, because He wants me to be with Him forever. 

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us..."

 “For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life."

I pray that I would know Him more and more this year. I pray that I will spend time with Him. I pray that I will be filled with the assurance that whatever my situation is, my God is a good God.

 ^"I have not stopped thanking God for you. I pray for you constantly, asking God, the glorious Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, to give you spiritual wisdom and insight so that you might grow in your knowledge of God. I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the confident hope he has given to those he called—his holy people who are his rich and glorious inheritance." Ephesians 1:16-22

lesson from a 6-year-old

Yesterday was Easter egg hunting day in KIDS Church.  As expected, the kids were all excited and kept asking us, their teachers, when the egg hunt would start.  One of the kids told me on the onset that she didn't like Easter egg hunting. Later on, however, she was just like every other kid on the egg hunt, excitedly running about trying to find a colorful egg filled with chocolate.  Sadly, she was also one of the few who wasn't able to find any. Unlike some kids who would resort to tantrums, this kid just quietly told me, "Teacher, I didn't find an egg."  I told her it's okay; we had something else for her.  I could feel though that she was disappointed about not finding a prize herself.  One of the other kids, a six-year-old named Elise, overheard her and told us, "Teacher, she can have my egg."  Hearing this, the kid who didn't find any eggs visibly perked up, said thank you, and happily clutched the gift.  Elise didn't seem regretful at all about giving her prize away. She was smiling as she took her younger sister's hand and went back to KIDS Church room.

I and the other teacher were so touched by this exchange.  How many times have I found it hard to let go of things I find pleasure in so that I could bless another person's life?  Would I have displayed the same humility  to accept if offered such a gift?  Why was it so easy for a six-year old to just give away something that was rightfully hers? I may not know the answer, but seeing the smile on Elise' face tells me that for this six-year old, there are more important things in life than eating a small piece of chocolate for herself. 

a story I want you to read

One day a woman who didn't believe in Jesus Christ walked into church.  The band was playing, the people were dancing and singing, there was great rejoicing.  The woman couldn't understand it. Why did these people actually look happy? She found church boring.  She found Jesus to be beyond understanding, a possibly mythical man who wasn't even interesting in the first place.

I was that woman.  Like many, I was an unbeliever.   I sought security in philosophies and theories...anything from Atheism, Agnosticism, Taoism, Buddhism, Sufism, and New Age spirituality.  But one day, I met someone (her name is Ching and she blogs from everyday sunday) who forced me to look seriously into the claims of Christianity.  Here was a Christian who was so unlike the other self-proclaimed Christians I meet.  I found in her joy even in the midst of our daily stresses in the office. I saw in her a compassion that went beyond my understanding of what was supposed to be "fair". I didn't agree with her worldview. In fact, I constantly challenged it. But I couldn't deny reality...where did she get  the hope that I was desperately seeking in my theories and philosophies?  What was the source of this hope that I wanted?

When this woman pointed me to Jesus Christ, I had to investigate.  As I got to know Jesus better through the Bible and by attending a Bible-based church, I saw in Him the picture of a powerful, loving, and just God. Jesus gave me hope that my fallen world -- me included -- could be truly transformed. At the same time, I found in the Bible (which the Literature major in me once considered as myth) a logical, coherent human history. I found it incredible that the Bible could be so logical and coherent when the books were written by different people living in different time periods.  I also found in the Bible the most precise understanding of the human condition and our human tendencies. Who else could understand us in such a precise way but the One who created us?

It wasn't an easy journey. I had many questions, and I still do.  But every time I feel lost or run away, God seeks me and exceeds expectations. He proves, as He has proven over and over again in the Bible, that even in our doubts, He remains unchanging, faithful, and trustworthy.

There are still so many things in me that needs changing. Our spiritual crosses are not easy to bear alone. Thankfully, I know many people who are so genuinely sold out on their faith.  Someone who declares himself a God must be mad or made-up.  But if He was either, why did the Christians who led me to Him seem so real?    What was it about Him that made them so joyful? What was it about Jesus that transformed the hopeless into the hopeful? What was it about these Christians that drew me even when I didn't believe?

This cross was very heavy and hurt my shoulder  To think that this was only 1/3 the actual weight of the historical cross that Jesus bore!  I am grateful that I had someone to help me though I only carried this a few steps.  

I am grateful, because when I talk to these people, I don't merely see them as friends.  I see the Jesus of the bible -- compassionate, non-compromising, loving. Admittedly, they are not perfect, but I know that God is helping them in their own personal journeys.

Jethro - an encourager and mentor

Like my fellow believers, I am not perfect. But I hold on the promise of the bible that I am being perfected into Christ-likeness by the transforming power of Jesus Christ.

So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord--who is the Spirit--makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image. - 2 Cor 3:18

There are times when people fail me.  There are times when my own intellect, emotions, and even people  I love and admire fail me. The message of the cross is simple -- we fail, but God still loves us. He gave the perfect sacrifice, so ALL our sins (past, present, and future) can be forgiven and we can be reconciled to Him.

Because He is holy and just, God had to punish us for our sins.  But because He is also merciful and loving, He found a way out of our punishment.  He sent His only Son to take our sins, become sin, and take our punishment for Himself.

 Because of Jesus' death on the cross, we don't have to reap the consequence of sin which is death.  The sacrifice is done.  The prophecies have been fulfilled. Jesus, victorious over sin and death, was raised from the dead and reigns forever! IT IS FINISHED.

We don't have to scourge ourselves anymore and feel insecure about our future! The gift of eternal life is offered to all those who believe.We only have to accept the gift for our own sins to be nailed on the cross. This gift is what we call grace -- it is undeserved and unmerited...but it is freely given.

If you declare with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.  For it is with your heart that you believe, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved ~ Romans 10:9-10

The message of the cross is either a grand story that man created to explain away the things he couldn't understand.

Or....it could be real.

It could bring repentance.  

It could bring reconciliation. 

 It could bring healing. 

It could bring hope.

It could bring love.

Because of how God transformed my life, denying Him would be the most untruthful thing I could do.  I can't imagine myself going back to being an atheist or agnostic when I've encountered God in such a transformative way. God is not memorized prayers or the rituals we are asked to perform. Nor is He the rules that seem to enslave.  God is our Creator, Provider, Strength, Deliverer, Friend and all the wonderful things we can attribute to God.  By believing in Jesus, I can have a direct relationship with Him.

When I reflect about all that God has done for me, I am given strength and hope for the future. When I let go of my selfish desires and focus on pleasing Him, I find myself complete and at my most joyful. I have more that I can give to others. My blessings and even my pains are given a sense of purpose -- they are all for the glory of God. Life is given meaning. Life is not wasted. Life is a delight when I live it for God.

My God is alive! He is a great friend.   He is faithful even when I am not.  He always comes through.  And I know, I am not alone.

---------

If you do believe that Jesus died for your sins and was resurrected from the dead, the Bible promises that the old has gone and the new has come.

 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:The old has gone, the new is here! 2 Cor 5:17.

------
Photos are from Walkway, an art installation/exhibit in Bonifacio High Street by a creative group of Christians called Church Simplified.  The Walkway event runs every Holy Week at Bonifacio High Street Bonifacio Global City, Taguig

All photos were taken by Gail Bitoon of Foreveryday Photography 

station 8

Please pray for this kid

Wedding Preparations

Are you dreaming of the perfect wedding? 

Me, I'm excited for everyone who's getting married.  I also have this feeling that God has been strategically placing all these friends around me who are connected to all preparations and requirements that have to do with weddings. lol.

Wedding Event Planner, Wedding Give-aways and Wedding Invitations - My Little Craft

For example, my friend Bel Mojica and her partners have a cozy little shop that brides would just love.  It's called My Little Craft Bridal Boutique and they offer wedding supplies/event planning for all your wedding needs.

Sample invitation from CreativePrints, one of My Little Craft's partner stores

Another invitation from  CreativePrints

Custom-made wedding cords from Islas Aromaticas, another partner store

Another heirloom wedding cord from Islas Aromaticas

 You can drop by My Little Craft Bridal Boutique at Unit D, G/F Magnitude Bldg., 186 E. Rodriguez Jr. Ave., QC. or call 440-3659.

Wedding Photographer - Foreverday Photography

One of the most important things you need to think about would be your wedding photographer.   My friend Ching and her passionate and talented photographer hubby Gail  would gladly document that special day for you.  Gail is one of THE Pat Dy's apprentice wedding photographers. More than that though, he's skilled, extremely nice, and very professional to deal with. You can be sure your wedding will be most beautifully photographed.

Gail captures the beauty...

...the love...

...and the fun of weddings.

Check out more of his photos in Foreveryday Photography or add Foreveryday on Facebook.

Wedding Singer - Phoebe Bitoon

Then there's Gail's sister Phoebe who is just an awesome jazz and anything-romantic singer.  This pretty and petite songstress will capture your heart I'm sure.  You just have to listen.

Engagement/Wedding Rings - Glitz of Bitz

It seems like the whole Bitoon family is into weddings.  Not only is Gail and Phoebe's dad a pastor, their Mom also makes the most beautiful engagement and wedding rings.  You can probably have similar pieces made, but I'm sure they'll cost more than what Tita Portia Bitoon is offering.  You can contact Glitz of Bitz through Tita Portia's facebook page.

blue sapphire, diamonds, and white gold

two-tone diamonds eternity rings in 14k white gold

Wedding Cake - Sweet Afters

Need a gorgeous wedding cake?  Try Sweet Afters by Ayee Venida, my friend Ven's sister.  Ayee launched her first wedding cake during Ven's wedding, and it was a hit.  Sweet Afters also makes the cutest cakes and cupcakes for birthdays, baby showers, and other events. You can contact Sweet Afters at sweetafters8@gmail.com

Red Roses Fondant Cake

Groom - looks like he's all dressed up...

LOL. I'm sorry Echo. You're as beautiful as a wedding day, but God is not finished with me yet! Harhar.

Feel free to comment away if you know any other people to contact for weddings...it might be handy for the future :D

Happy wedding thoughts everyone!

So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.- Matthew 19:6

Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. - Solomon 2:7

How do I know if it's love?

What is love?  It's Valentine's Day and couples everywhere are probably saying "I love you" to their special someones right at this moment.  I wonder what they mean by "love".  We hear that love is blind, love is like a rosary full of mysteries, love takes time to heal if you hurt so much...

What is love for you?  Have you ever said I love you to someone? Are you confused about the meaning of love?  How do you know if  your love is real?  Bible verses contain much wisdom about love. Read these and you'll see that much of what we want out of love and a great love is written  in the Bible.



My Lover is mine and I am his. - Song of Solomon 2:16




So Jacob worked seven years to pay for Rachel. But his love for her was so strong that it seemed to him but a few days. - Genesis 29:20

Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. - Song of Solomon 8:4

Who is this coming up from the desert leaning on her lover? Under the apple tree I roused you; there your mother conceived you, there she who was in labor gave you birth. Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned. - Song of Solomon 8:5-7




And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. -1 John 4:16

We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. - 1 John 4:19-20

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. - Proverbs 17:17 

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. - John 15:12-13

Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD. - Leviticus 19:18

Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs. – Proverbs 10:12

For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.  -Ephesians 5:25


however, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. - Ephesians 5:33


Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God - 1 John 4:7

After breakfast Jesus asked Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”

   “Yes, Lord,” Peter replied, “you know I love you.”

   “Then feed my lambs,” Jesus told him. - John 21:15

But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. - Romans 5:8

The second is this, 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no other commandment greater than these." - Mark 12:31

Let love be genuine; hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good; - Romans 12:9

Above all hold unfailing your love for one another, since love covers a multitude of sins.- 1 Peter 4:8

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever!  1 Corinthians 13:1-8

Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love. - 1 Corinthians 13:13

For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. - John 3:16

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and he who fears is not perfected in love.  We love, because he first loved us. - 1 John 4:18-19

But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love. 1 John 4:8

Aren't these love bible verses beautiful?  I pray that everyone finds the Greatest Love of All Today (and no, it's not learning to love yourself).  Happy love day to everyone! :) 

Of love, little girls, grandfathers, and fishball

I was buying fishball when this cute little girl sidled up beside me with her lolo in tow. She was asking him to buy her fishball too. Everyone (one girl -- that's me -- and 5 men) around that fishball stand was looking at the little girl and smiling.  I felt that no other face could look at that little girl with more love than her grandfather. For a while, it seemed as if the world had stopped. There were no rushing cars and loud horns; no litter on the streets and people hurrying to get home.  It was only that little girl and her lolo waiting for the fishball, while the rest of us remembered how simple and beautiful and in love we could be.  

Singleness: When you're single in a married world

In our culture and society, singleness seems to be acceptable only until your early twenties. I have had someone ask me, "What's wrong with you?" when he learned that I was still single. When you're single and people think it's high-time for you to get married, you can expect:

- people telling you to lower your standards
- matchmaking schemes 
- people telling you you're way past calendar age
- being pressured, because you might not have a child anymore
- being called an old maid
- feeling ugly or embarrassed
- feeling that every guy that comes along and pays you attention is a "prospect"

Some people who tell you these things or seem to make you feel bad have good intentions of course.  The married and in-a-relationship ones want you to feel the same happiness they are experiencing.  Parents and family members want to ensure that the good genes get passed on.  In short, people just want everyone, including you, to be happy.

It makes you wonder though, is singleness inferior to the married life? Because of worldly standards, single godly men and women have the tendency to compromise their godly standards.  We settle for men or women who are ungodly just so we wouldn't be lonely or feel bad because everyone around us is married or going there.  Or we date around, giving pieces of our hearts to each and every guy that comes along.  

It is a challenge for singles to remain pure physically, emotionally and spiritually. But with God's grace it is possible.  The only standards worth thinking about are the standards of God. 

"Single" is not an inferior status compared to "married"

Singleness, if anything, is a gift.  Some people are called to marriage, some people are called to singleness. The Bible does not have a "dating" status.   If you're not married, you're single.  One day, you might get married.  But until then, you're single.   The apostle Paul said that it is good for widows and the unmarried to stay single.     

1 Corinthians 7:32-35 

I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

 
Does this contradict the Adam and Eve story?  After all, God gave Adam a helpmate, Eve, because he saw that it wasn't good for man to be alone.  No.  Both singleness and marriage is a gift. Paul did not have to worry about the stresses of marriage. He could devote his time to ministry and to God. But some people function better with a tag team partner.  They can also glorify God through their relationship and their family.


Don't let singleness become the devil's foothold

The enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy.  He tells you that you're ugly, that you're worthless, that you're lonely. He robs you of your joy in Christ. It's also tempting to remain in or get into an ungodly relationship, or to question God when you've been single for a long time. But having a boyfriend is not the standard for you to live a full life.  Jesus Christ is the only requirement for a full life.  Are you ready to compromise Jesus Christ for a boyfriend or a husband?

2 Corinthians 6:14 

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?

John 10:10

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

The only eternal relationship is our relationship with God 

Our relationships on earth are temporary.  We value them and treasure them, because with them, we glorify God.  In the end though, our relationship with God is only one that will last.

Mark 12:25 

For when they rise from the dead, they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.

Matthew 22:29-30 

But Jesus answered them, “You are wrong, because you know neither the Scriptures nor the power of God. For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.

It's all about God

Faith comes when we remove the focus on ourselves and focus on the God who watches over us.  Whatever status we are in -- single or married -- the point is to glorify Him. Remember God's faithfulness.  It's easy to choose a tangible person over God when God is not a personal God. But when we remember the cross and what He did to win us over, everything else fades away.  Are you single?  You are not alone.

And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the Lord. ~ Hosea 2:19-20

Ludy

Sunday morning service is a pleasure.  There's an air of solemnity and also a thriving anticipation of basking in God's presence.  I was sitting there by my lonesome, praying, when one of our church's ushers  plopped down on the seat next to me.  Her name was Ludy, she said.  She was small, elderly but sprightly, with an energetic twinkle in her eye.  She looked like a cool grandma.

She asked me if I was already part of a bible study group, and when I said yes, she proceeded to engage me in small talk.  She was married, for 41 years, and she and her husband were excited to go on a road trip to a hotel which had a spectacular view of the Sierra Madre Mountains. I couldn't help but feel amazed with this sixty-ish woman, who was still excited about life and about her plans and about her husband and about God.  I know many couples who just give up after a few years of marriage, and I always feel like rejoicing when married people stay married out of love.  I've also known people who at 50, feel like life has already passed them by.  Ludy was different, and I felt her passion for life just seeping through me before that early Sunday church service.

Just when we heard the first strains from the guitar and violin, Ludy jumped up. She had to welcome the other attendees in and direct them to their seats.  She said goodbye, and was about to leave me when she paused in remembrance of something.  "Wait, let me pray for you.", she said quickly. "What do you want to pray for?"  Before I could open my mouth to answer, this beautiful lady cut in and said, "A husband? Let's pray for a husband."  I didn't have time to protest.  Ludy placed a hand on my arm and rushed into spontaneous prayer, "Lord, I pray that Gaby will meet a husband.  Let him be a Christian, responsible, and handsome."

Then Ludy was gone, leaving me smiling at her unexpected prayer.

Amen.  

Solo flight: Where have all the men gone?

 Do you feel like you've been flying solo for a long time now?


I'm sure that most women have wondered where all the men have gone.  Sure, there are lots of boys out there, but their planning capacity only reaches to what they'll have for their next meal. Or they're just so scared of commitment, they just remain Peter Pans for life. So we women sadly conclude, the REAL men are all in a relationship, married or dead.

In one of my small groups, this has been a recurring topic.  We lament what we see as the lack of men, Godly men that is.  I used to think that the problem was limited to our growing campus church.  Since it's based in the province, students (men included) would usually go back to their hometowns after graduating.  The men are somewhere else, we think. But then we still don't find them wherever we are.  Are they really a soon-to-be-extinct breed?

Apparently, our "problem" is not an isolated case.  After reading Pastor Jaeson Ma's blog entry entitled The Five Pillars of Manhood and seeing the numerous agreeing comments, its obvious that our small group is not the only one ruminating on the lack of real men.  Pastor Jaeson, in his long entry, narrates how women in his church have asked the same questions then proceeds to give off a description of qualities that a real man possesses.

I have had my share of bad experiences when it comes to relationships.  Unlike some of my Christian friends, I didn't wait for a Godly man to come into my life.  My standards have always been different:

• he should be artistic
• he should be passionate
• he should have convictions
• he should make me laugh

Later on, I added: He should love his family.

There's nothing wrong with my list right?  They're all good qualities.  So why do I always end up frustrated in the end?  Yes, these are all good qualities, but I forgot the most important one, which is HE SHOULD LOVE GOD ABOVE ALL. And when I say all, that includes ME.


When a man has Godly standards,

• he will commit when he is absolutely ready to commit, and you won't have to wonder "Will you still love me tomorrow?" He loves God and knows that he's committed to take care of and love his partner
• his YES will mean YES and his NO will mean NO
• he doesn't blame you for his mistakes
• he doesn't "taste the different flavors of women" just to satisfy his curiosity or his bloated ego. He doesn't need to, because he is secure in his identity in Christ
•  he is not an emotional basketcase, because he knows he has a strong God beside him. 
• he doesn't waste his money on getting drunk, smoking, or doing drugs, because his body is a temple of God.
•  every word that comes from his mouth is a wellspring of life, because the commands of God are in his heart. 
• he dares to be different from the "boys" who make crass jokes or succumb to other peer pressure to be accepted.  He knows the only one worth pleasing is God
• he is hardworking because he does his work for God, and not for men.
• he is confident, because he does what he is called out by God to do.
• he will pursue you and marry you, because he knows that to do less than that is undervaluing your worth.
• he takes "'til death do us part" seriously.

Before you make a face and tell me that's impossible, hear me out.  I've met some Godly men. You want to know the secret?  Yes, all these things are next to impossible to do.  But it is God's grace that allows them to do all these things, not their own imperfect strength.  If you still don't think this is possible, I'll hook you up with my beautiful friend Ching who is in love with God and a Godly man.


I am not looking at Christian relationships through rose-colored glasses though. Just because two Christians marry doesn't mean that they'll live happily ever after,or that a man will never fail.  After all, a Godly man is still just a man, not a God.  IF God is in the center, I have faith that a relationship will work out REGARDLESS of circumstances.  It's easy to be happy when circumstances are just cruisin', but when everything seems to be falling apart, that's when the real test comes in. If a woman has compassion and is strong herself, she knows that there will be times when her man will stumble, and  she will have the capacity to forgive and help him get back to his feet again.


Christian or not, deep down inside, I think that many women want Godly men.  They just don't know that it is God who brings out the best in a man.  So why do some women often fall for the wrong person or don't meet the right person? Is it really because there are no Godly men out there? I want to believe that God is doing His work and ministering to a lot of men. They probably need a lot of work on their end (haha) BUT, I also think that we women need to pray about a lot of stuff on our end too:

• Let's set our standards higher.  "Kilig" or having that warm tingly feeling all over is NOT a strong enough foundation for a relationship.  We're worth more than a few text messages.
• Don't compromise Godly standards to accommodate temporary desires
• Accept when it's just NOT time for a relationship.  Believe me, it's better to wait than to be a sorry self-pitying lump when your heart gets broken.  
• Trust that God knows best.
• Let's not get too focused on looking for Mr. Right, when we ourselves aren't Ms. Right

Before we can meet a Godly man, we ourselves should be Godly women. Honestly, I am in that stage in my life now where I am just so happy that I am not married.  Not because I have a bitter view about marriage.  But because, I've realized just recently, how immature and how impatient and how lazy and how...well you get the point.  The biggest thing is that I have neglected my relationship with God for so long. I am just so joyful that for now, it is only God and me.  One day, if God is willing, maybe it will be Me+God+Mr. Right. I couldn't have realized this on my own. There are times when I get too emotional to the point of not thinking clearly.  I have my Christian friends and God to thank for the strength I have now.

I don't want to put my future in a theoretical man.  Yes, I can wait for a Godly man, but in the meantime, I don't stress about it.  My happiness doesn't depend on getting married or having a boyfriend.  Right now, I'd like to think that I'm celebrating my singleness and womanhood. It's nice to finally have the time to distribute my love to my family, friends, and pets.  Most importantly, I can focus on God.  To those who have known me for a long time, I may not be a credible speaker for this topic...and I truly don't intend to supplant whatever your pastor says. I am speaking about what God has helped me realize in my own life. I have been successively atheist, agnostic and just a free-for-all relativist for so long.  I used to sneer at Christianity and found Christians appalling, to say the least.  But let me tell you, God chased after me.  Each moment that I really and truly surrender my life to Jesus Christ, I just feel an exceeding joy.  Life is not perfect, by worldly standards, but I am secure because my happiness is not dependent on other people or on money and on things that don't last.   And because I so love my women friends and family, I just have to share this; and I also have to emphasize this, so that you can remind me the moment I falter:  Before seeking Mr. Right, seek God first. 

When you do get married to a Godly man, please inform me. I will rejoice with you, and we will celebrate.  For now though, there are so many other things we can be happy about.  With God, you won't be a mediocre missing half of a whole; you'll be most surely and awesomely complete. 

RECOMMENDED!

Listen Download Victory Podcast on Godly Relationships by Pastor Dennis Sy 



Enjoying my seasons in life... pic spam below!!! :)

When people we love hurt us

When people we love hurt us, the usual desire is to change their feelings. We think that if just strive harder, love stronger, be more positive, be more attractive, then they'll come around and stop hurting us.  Well, let me tell you something.  Love is not something that we earn by being more beautiful, being more loving, being more compatible, being more faithful, being more and more and more for the other person.  These actions are a natural outpouring of our love, but we can't force someone to return these feelings just because we felt or did these things for them.  Love is given freely to those we love.  When we love just because we're getting something out of it, then that's not love.  That's emotionally abusing the other party.

when people we love hurt us </3

The next reaction would usually be the desire to get back at the person who hurt us. We want to act all screamy bitchy and maybe, please, could you gouge his eyes out and cut open his stomach and remove all his entrails just to get some revenge?

I wanted to do that.  I wanted to shout and curse and make the other party feel the extent of my pain.  But I couldn't.  I would have done it before, but I couldn't do it now.  The command is clear: In your anger DO NOT sin.  I could tell the other person how I felt, but I COULDN'T SIN.  I couldn't run over him with a ten wheeler truck or ram him with a bulldozer.  The anger in me felt that I could though, and what's more, that I SHOULD. And to tell you frankly, I did hurt many people back with my actions and words.

I struggled with that command.  I felt that God was restricting me.  That it wasn't healthy, that God was unfair and that he didn't care because the other person was just getting away easily with every hurt that he did to me.

does God care?
credit: ilovedoodle@flickr

I couldn't accept that God was asking me to do such an unhealthy thing as repressing my feelings.  Is God really unreasonable? Does God want to restrict me and make me live abnormally?  Why would he create me with feelings in the first place if I can't act on them?

When Christians are hurt, should we just keep quiet?  I grew up thinking that aside from not sinning, I should also never ever question God when I didn't understand Him, as doing so would also be a sin.  The bible discussions I attended the past months revealed to me just how false this teaching was.   I can absolutely relate to David when he poured his heart out to God and asked,

"Will the Lord reject us forever?  Will he never show his favor again? 

 Has his promise failed for all time?" 

The prophet Habakkuk is another example, crying out to God accusingly,

"How long, O Lord, must I call for help, but you do not listen?"  

Yes, in our anger we shouldn't sin.  But in our anger, we can talk to God.  We can come to him and question him and struggle with him when the hurt doesn't make sense anymore.  Most of all, in our anger and grief, we can hold on to God and be assured that He is faithful.

God does listen and answer.  God answered me, but it took a while for me to understand, because it wasn't God  who wasn't listening.   I wasn't listening.  I didn't like what God was telling me, because it went against what I wanted. I wanted the other person to love me first and love me above all, but God was telling me to love Him, my God, first and above all.  I didn't hear God, because my eyes were focused on someone else.

In other instances,  God's answer became clear at a much much later time.  I'm sure that some of you had those moments when you said, "Ah, so this why this happened! I'm so happy that it did!"

 I don't understand many things until now, but I'm glad that I don't have a blind and mute wooden replica of a God who doesn't know how I feel.  Instead, I have a God who knows how it feels to be betrayed, denied and rejected by people that He loved.  I have a God who was whipped, crowned with thorns, mocked, jeered at, and nailed to the cross.  I have a God who called out to His Father, "Why have you forsaken me?"

True Love.
credit: flamable77@deviantart

When people I love hurt me, I CAN shout, scream, gnash my teeth, and just pour out everything to my Father.  Unlike other people who'll eventually get tired of my drama (I am such a drama queen when it comes to things of the heart, and you have this post as a reference) or who would just tell me to drink myself to death and party all night or to travel to forget my problems, my God offers complete healing.  What's more, I can be assured that I will eventually be redeemed from any pain, hurt, embarrassment and failure.

Christianity is NOT about hopping bunnies, bright sunshine and colorful flowers.  Christians also get hurt, mad, and angry.  We can spend seasons in the desert or in a battle.  Being a believer does not guarantee a problem-free life, but what it does guarantee is that we will always have a great God to help us go through anything.

PSALM 130. credit: Philip Davis