| When people we love hurt us, the usual desire is to change their feelings. We think that if just strive harder, love stronger, be more positive, be more attractive, then they'll come around and stop hurting us. Well, let me tell you something. Love is not something that we earn by being more beautiful, being more loving, being more compatible, being more faithful, being more and more and more for the other person. These actions are a natural outpouring of our love, but we can't force someone to return these feelings just because we felt or did these things for them. Love is given freely to those we love. When we love just because we're getting something out of it, then that's not love. That's emotionally abusing the other party.
The next reaction would usually be the desire to get back at the person who hurt us. We want to act all screamy bitchy and maybe, please, could you gouge his eyes out and cut open his stomach and remove all his entrails just to get some revenge?
I wanted to do that. I wanted to shout and curse and make the other party feel the extent of my pain. But I couldn't. I would have done it before, but I couldn't do it now. The command is clear: In your anger DO NOT sin. I could tell the other person how I felt, but I COULDN'T SIN. I couldn't run over him with a ten wheeler truck or ram him with a bulldozer. The anger in me felt that I could though, and what's more, that I SHOULD. And to tell you frankly, I did hurt many people back with my actions and words.
I struggled with that command. I felt that God was restricting me. That it wasn't healthy, that God was unfair and that he didn't care because the other person was just getting away easily with every hurt that he did to me.
I couldn't accept that God was asking me to do such an unhealthy thing as repressing my feelings. Is God really unreasonable? Does God want to restrict me and make me live abnormally? Why would he create me with feelings in the first place if I can't act on them?
When Christians are hurt, should we just keep quiet? I grew up thinking that aside from not sinning, I should also never ever question God when I didn't understand Him, as doing so would also be a sin. The bible discussions I attended the past months revealed to me just how false this teaching was. I can absolutely relate to David when he poured his heart out to God and asked,
The prophet Habakkuk is another example, crying out to God accusingly,
Yes, in our anger we shouldn't sin. But in our anger, we can talk to God. We can come to him and question him and struggle with him when the hurt doesn't make sense anymore. Most of all, in our anger and grief, we can hold on to God and be assured that He is faithful.
God does listen and answer. God answered me, but it took a while for me to understand, because it wasn't God who wasn't listening. I wasn't listening. I didn't like what God was telling me, because it went against what I wanted. I wanted the other person to love me first and love me above all, but God was telling me to love Him, my God, first and above all. I didn't hear God, because my eyes were focused on someone else.
In other instances, God's answer became clear at a much much later time. I'm sure that some of you had those moments when you said, "Ah, so this why this happened! I'm so happy that it did!"
I don't understand many things until now, but I'm glad that I don't have a blind and mute wooden replica of a God who doesn't know how I feel. Instead, I have a God who knows how it feels to be betrayed, denied and rejected by people that He loved. I have a God who was whipped, crowned with thorns, mocked, jeered at, and nailed to the cross. I have a God who called out to His Father, "Why have you forsaken me?"
When people I love hurt me, I CAN shout, scream, gnash my teeth, and just pour out everything to my Father. Unlike other people who'll eventually get tired of my drama (I am such a drama queen when it comes to things of the heart, and you have this post as a reference) or who would just tell me to drink myself to death and party all night or to travel to forget my problems, my God offers complete healing. What's more, I can be assured that I will eventually be redeemed from any pain, hurt, embarrassment and failure.
Christianity is NOT about hopping bunnies, bright sunshine and colorful flowers. Christians also get hurt, mad, and angry. We can spend seasons in the desert or in a battle. Being a believer does not guarantee a problem-free life, but what it does guarantee is that we will always have a great God to help us go through anything.
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| when people we love hurt us </3 |
The next reaction would usually be the desire to get back at the person who hurt us. We want to act all screamy bitchy and maybe, please, could you gouge his eyes out and cut open his stomach and remove all his entrails just to get some revenge?
I wanted to do that. I wanted to shout and curse and make the other party feel the extent of my pain. But I couldn't. I would have done it before, but I couldn't do it now. The command is clear: In your anger DO NOT sin. I could tell the other person how I felt, but I COULDN'T SIN. I couldn't run over him with a ten wheeler truck or ram him with a bulldozer. The anger in me felt that I could though, and what's more, that I SHOULD. And to tell you frankly, I did hurt many people back with my actions and words.
I struggled with that command. I felt that God was restricting me. That it wasn't healthy, that God was unfair and that he didn't care because the other person was just getting away easily with every hurt that he did to me.
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| does God care? credit: ilovedoodle@flickr |
I couldn't accept that God was asking me to do such an unhealthy thing as repressing my feelings. Is God really unreasonable? Does God want to restrict me and make me live abnormally? Why would he create me with feelings in the first place if I can't act on them?
When Christians are hurt, should we just keep quiet? I grew up thinking that aside from not sinning, I should also never ever question God when I didn't understand Him, as doing so would also be a sin. The bible discussions I attended the past months revealed to me just how false this teaching was. I can absolutely relate to David when he poured his heart out to God and asked,
"Will the Lord reject us forever? Will he never show his favor again?
Has his promise failed for all time?"
"How long, O Lord, must I call for help, but you do not listen?"
Yes, in our anger we shouldn't sin. But in our anger, we can talk to God. We can come to him and question him and struggle with him when the hurt doesn't make sense anymore. Most of all, in our anger and grief, we can hold on to God and be assured that He is faithful.
God does listen and answer. God answered me, but it took a while for me to understand, because it wasn't God who wasn't listening. I wasn't listening. I didn't like what God was telling me, because it went against what I wanted. I wanted the other person to love me first and love me above all, but God was telling me to love Him, my God, first and above all. I didn't hear God, because my eyes were focused on someone else.
In other instances, God's answer became clear at a much much later time. I'm sure that some of you had those moments when you said, "Ah, so this why this happened! I'm so happy that it did!"
I don't understand many things until now, but I'm glad that I don't have a blind and mute wooden replica of a God who doesn't know how I feel. Instead, I have a God who knows how it feels to be betrayed, denied and rejected by people that He loved. I have a God who was whipped, crowned with thorns, mocked, jeered at, and nailed to the cross. I have a God who called out to His Father, "Why have you forsaken me?"
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| True Love. credit: flamable77@deviantart |
When people I love hurt me, I CAN shout, scream, gnash my teeth, and just pour out everything to my Father. Unlike other people who'll eventually get tired of my drama (I am such a drama queen when it comes to things of the heart, and you have this post as a reference) or who would just tell me to drink myself to death and party all night or to travel to forget my problems, my God offers complete healing. What's more, I can be assured that I will eventually be redeemed from any pain, hurt, embarrassment and failure.
Christianity is NOT about hopping bunnies, bright sunshine and colorful flowers. Christians also get hurt, mad, and angry. We can spend seasons in the desert or in a battle. Being a believer does not guarantee a problem-free life, but what it does guarantee is that we will always have a great God to help us go through anything.
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| PSALM 130. credit: Philip Davis |
my God offers complete healing. -- so true and real. :) super encouraging post gaby!!
ReplyDeleteThis is so beautiful. I am currently being a drama queen because my long-term ex-boyfriend, who is also a Christian, left me 5 months ago. Without a sound, he left for Cebu, leaving me behind without an explanation. He eventually called to end the relationship saying that he couldn't stand me and my attitude anymore. I never felt so insecure and ugly. I felt(still sometimes feel) like a beast. I became very depressed and anxious (bad timing because I'm reviewing for a board exam that is due in a month!). For two months, I bargained God for a rewind. During the third month, I decided to seek for help. I joined my dgroup (small group) again. I have been constantly joining my dgroup for three months now and indeed, God used my girl friends in my healing process. They always make me feel that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I cannot say that I am fully healed because there is still a part of me who is silently wishing that the two of us will still end up being together a few years from now. I don't know how and when will this end. I need to let go. I commit my thoughts to God in prayer, but it is still an everyday struggle to redirect my thoughts. :(
ReplyDeletehello! thank you for being so honest in your comments. i obviously understand how you feel, and it is a struggle isn't it? the beauty in this daily struggle is that everyday you have something to offer to God. for what is an offering if it doesn't cost us something? like you, i am also learning to daily offer ALL my emotions -- good and bad -- to our Father. crying out to God FIRST and having a few trusted Christian women I can be accountable to have helped me tremendously to be more self-controlled and to remember that I belong to the King of Kings. Please don't forget that You are His, too! This is your identity and it is what gives you value. At the same time, your ex-boyfriend belongs to God too. We can't control the people around us and this is what frustrates us (james 4:1-6 is a frank statement about this tendency of ours). i am still learning to accept this truth. at the same time, i am so excited because i feel this is another level in my spiritual walk. i am excited for you too! as we go through the fire, i know that we are changed for the better. God is preparing us for something better. He is our God and He loves us.
Deletei recently read Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot and it renewed my mind about how to deal with our natural human desires. can i recommend it to you? it talks about the wisdom of waiting silently for God and making an offering of our emotions to Him. i couldn't put it down once i started. i hope it helps you too. :)